the 'C' word : When Dark Clouds of Trouble...

Today is my favorite Sacrament Meeting of the year, the annual Children's Primary Presentation. They have spent many months learning the songs from the Children's Songbook, from the Program Guide, and the adult Hymnbook. They've also had several weeks to memorize their speaking parts. I love serving in Primary having done so in many positions over the years, and most recently, for over a year now, have been the Primary secretary. Since my Cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy treatments I have not missed a single Sunday fulfilling my duties. However, I must admit the same cannot be said for our 9:00am Sacrament Meeting; 9am is too early. It is! And more so on Chemo Week.

Yesterday morning, scheduled for 9:00am, was the program practice and since this was Chemo Week I knew of the two 9:00am sessions, I would need to miss the practice in order to make the Sacrament Meeting program--which I did. Barely.

It was a great meeting! Love the children, love the music. One of the songs the children sang was "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet" from our adult Hymnbook and came about half-way through their program. The children would be singing the first verse and we in the congregation were asked to join them for verses 2 & 3. This song is one I don't need a hymnbook (know the words & my tin-ear voice just sings the melody) and enjoyed listening to the children sing verse 1. Toward the end of the first verse I quickly realized what words were coming next, and found myself with watering eyes, tight throat, and unable to join in...
"When dark clouds of trouble hang 'oer us
And threaten our peace to destroy..."

I've tried to keep a positive attitude since my Cancer journey has started. However, there are times when you do feel a dark cloud is hanging over you and any peace you once had IS threatened and do what you can to not have that peace destroyed. Usually those thoughts and words just rumble through your mind but I was caught off guard by this moment and the realization of vocalizing those words. The next line is "There is hope smiling brightly before us" and got me to thinking about the chemo and it is the hope I have that allows me to keep smiling brightly. Couldn't compose myself enough to sing the rest of the verse but made it for the last of the 3rd verse. Fortunately this was a church meeting that elicits lots of tears from people for many reasons although if anyone noticed me I doubt they would have guessed my reason.