On Second Thought...

In this 8/5/13 post about the week of my first round of Chemo I wrote:
"My energy level is good and although not much was accomplished last week I've decided it was because being lazy is a choice. I chose to be lazy last week."

I was wrong. A little bit.

More on that later.

So I've gone through a second round of chemo -- and have something to compare ChemoRound#1 in July and ChemoRound#2 in August; what I now think of as "Chemo Week" which begins with two days of infusions and is the start of my 28-day chemo cycle.

The July chemo experience and the weeks that followed were very much like a trek or voyage into the unknown. Perhaps like Columbus; or Lewis & Clark; or even Borman, Lovell and Anders. If you don't know those last 3 names, look them up. In college I won 2 free movie tickets* in a radio station contest by knowing those names. Okay, I'll help you out: one of my favorite photos ("Earthrise" below) was taken by Anders.

Well, that was off topic. Sort of.

Anyway, to continue. The August "chemo week" provided opportunity to see what was the same and what was different. In fact, very much was the same, although side effects were slightly more intense and lasted about a day longer this time. One thing in particular stands out. Those two sentences from above about July's chemo: "My energy level is good and although not much was accomplished last week I've decided it was because being lazy is a choice. I chose to be lazy last week."

The choice to be lazy came from the idea that after all I'd been through and after waiting for what seemed like f-o-r-e-v-e-r to finally find out my treatment plan, that I could finally take it easy and relax, and 'be lazy'. I'd earned it. Was my energy level as good then as I'd said? Maybe. Maybe wishful thinking. Maybe not.

But in comparing the July and August Chemo Week's I've come to the realization that while my mind said in July I could be lazy, my body had little choice. A case of mind over matter? or matter over mind?

There must be a hidden camera in my bedroom during Chemo Week.

My C-Dr had warned me the side effect I'd probably feel the most is being tired, but I've been tired many times before in my life and that was the basis I used for the "tiredness" expected. In my working years dealing with computer systems there were far too many unplanned overnighter's and more than a few 'events' that resulted in 30+ hours (even 42 hours once) with no sleep. THAT is being tired. Chemo Week is different. During Chemo Round#1 the blame for how crummy I felt was placed on the Senna tablets used to combat the constipation. I didn't know any better. During Chemo Round #2 that crummy feeling was there again, but crummier. Did a lot of pondering and thinking, while my head was weighted to my pillow, and had to admit that the reality of those scary and caustic chemicals coursing though my body did have an affect -- like it or not. No nausea (yet) or this not so smiley face would be green; instead, this is what crummy looks like.

So, yes, being lazy is a choice, but feeling chemo CRUMMY is not.

*The question I answered (after many callers didn't get it correct) was "Who were the Apollo 8 astronauts that orbited around the moon last month?" Also, I'll show my age, leaving the oldsters nostalgic and the youngsters amazed (maybe). Back in the day, winning movie tickets was a big deal. There was only one movie theater in our little college town. One movie played two times each night for 7 days. Everything cost considerably less. How much were those two FREE movie tickets worth? A grand total of $2.00  Yup, the good old days.

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